Been away for toooooo long.

The year is almost over! Haaaa I look back and I can't seem to fathom what I did with my time......not good! But I've been on the downside for about 2 months....went thru 4 deaths in the span of a month and I'm still not over it. Thanksgiving was so whack, was thankful but it didn't show at all. Alcohol's been quite a good friend to me lately and I intend to keep it that way until I get some sort of conviction to stop. The things that matter the most to me seem to keep fading away.....don't understand why and I've really refused to understand. I would really like to blame someone.....maybe God but I can't. He's been so good to me yet I'm angry.....angry @ Him. Took a break from love and I'm facing the consequences.....may God keep me away from temptation. This is the one place that I always feel I can run to but it hasn't been that way for months. I feel like I'm in an icebox and I don't wanna be disturbed. Please keep me in your prayers.....please cuz I can't even pray rite now. Just thot I should share.