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Simple yet complicated, the girl you'ld love to hate but can't stop loving. Above all, I AM WHO AND WHAT GOD SAYS I AM.....
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Sunday, November 29, 2009

Been away for toooooo long.

The year is almost over! Haaaa I look back and I can't seem to fathom what I did with my time......not good! But I've been on the downside for about 2 months....went thru 4 deaths in the span of a month and I'm still not over it. Thanksgiving was so whack, was thankful but it didn't show at all. Alcohol's been quite a good friend to me lately and I intend to keep it that way until I get some sort of conviction to stop. The things that matter the most to me seem to keep fading away.....don't understand why and I've really refused to understand. I would really like to blame someone.....maybe God but I can't. He's been so good to me yet I'm angry.....angry @ Him. Took a break from love and I'm facing the consequences.....may God keep me away from temptation. This is the one place that I always feel I can run to but it hasn't been that way for months. I feel like I'm in an icebox and I don't wanna be disturbed. Please keep me in your prayers.....please cuz I can't even pray rite now. Just thot I should share.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

..........

There are so many posts I've written but I've just refused to post 'em........why? I have no clue. I'll soon.....hopefully! But one thing I know for sure is that I'm missing something in my life right now and I don't know how to get to it. I have strayed away from someone who's very inportant to me and I'm finding a hard time letting him know how I feel and how sorry I am for everything that's been going on lately. I know God hears me, he sees my heart and knows my every move even before I take a step.


Summer's come to an end for me. Not taking classes this semester but everything happens for a reason so I can't complain. I really don't have much to say for today. But I'll leave you all with this - No matter what comes your way always know that God cares and He's got a great plan for you." Much love!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

....Randoms....

Today is the first day in about two months that I haven't been on here. I miss this place each and every passing day, but due to some unseen forces/circumstances I chose to stay away. I've been doing things my way despite what I know the truth to be. I feel like I have dissapointed God in so many ways than one and I don't know where to start from. I keep saying I'm sorry, yet I go back to my old ways.

My Mum's not talking to me right now cuz she saw my belly button piercing on Sunday. We prayed the next day and she outrightly refused to see my face, talkless of giving me a hug. I'm hurt and of course and I know she's hurt also. I can't say I'm sorry either cuz she won't listen to what I've got to say. She belives that that's the beginning of waywardness, when in actuallity it hasn't changed who I am. I've had it for about two months now and she never saw it until Sunday. I don't know what to do or who to call for help so I'm just taking each day as it comes and when she's ready to talk, I'm gonna listen and not talk back until she's done.

I missed you all and I pray this week brings a lot of love your way.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

....a year OLDER!

I thank God for anoda year....seriously! If not for Him, I wouldn't have lived to see yesterday. I thank God for the love He has for me and the fact that He still gives me a reason to be alive.

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Happy birthday to me! My day started well in the sense that I got calls, txt msgs (you name it!) from various peeps, some forgot.....but that's alright. Being that I had two finals to take, I was awake studying very hard. I got a very gigantic birthday cake from one of my closest friend's (her birthday was last week Monday also). This was exactly the type of cake I wanted, unfortunately I didn't get my Baileys to go with it. I settled with coke with a splash of Ciroc vodka instead. I also.....finally......got my belly button pierced. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Got nervous on my way there but it didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would and I didn't feel the pressure until I was on my way back home. But I am glad I did....it feels like I have accomplished some part of my dream.

I got home at about 9pm, took some pain killers and went straight to bed.....didn't wake up until like 5am. Thought I was gonna see Pretty Boi but he didn't show up until today cuz he had finals to tackle also. He got me a Louis Vuitton purse and we're going out to eat later on this evening....well hopefully....lol! All in all it was a good day.....plus I became $22 richer. You can't beat that! Would most definitely celebrate on Friday with the ladies....can't wait!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I'm stressed!

Something happened last week Thursday that will forever stay/live with me. I felt weird and for the longest felt like talking to someone about it but at the same time, I couldn't because......I don't know, I just couldn't! Of course Prettyboi knows about what happened and he's been there through every step of the way. I find it hard to pray to God about it and I don't even know how or where to start from. I hope I'll recover from it and hopefully be able to blog about it someday.

That aside, I'll be a year older on Monday and I'm getting my belly button pierced tomorrow as a gift to myself.....it was a difficult decision to make cuz it was either I pierced my nose or my belly and I chose the latter. I have two finals that day....one being cumulative. I hate it! I pray that God helps me to stay focused. After my exams I don't know what's gonna happen. I know I'm gonna spend that day with Prettyboi but I don't know what he's got up his sleeves. I promised myself that I'll never get drunk but at this point I'm seriously reconsidering that decision. I go home every night hoping to have a glass of wine....well maybe two.....okay three.....or the whole bottle. To be honest I love alcohol but I don't let it get the best of me. I was telling my friends this afternoon how I long for some cake with whipped cream topping, and a chilled glass of Bailey's. Ah what a bliss! Would probably tell Prettyboi to get me some for my birthday.

Okay peeps I have to get back to studying. I love you all!

Friday, April 24, 2009

I had a dream......conclusion part

......I walked away not looking back. I walked towards the home from which I had just come out of. As I watched everything going on around me, I noticed that I had some wet cloth in my hand. It had so much water in it and so I had to squeeze the water out. As I was doing this, a lady walked up to me and said that I shouldn't do it at the entrance of the home to prevent mosquitoes from flooding their home. I moved away from the entrance and went to spread the cloth so it could dry. While doing this, an older lady in the form of Lady C's mom (my friend's mom with whom I was staying with a while back...blogged about them 4 months ago) saw me and said thank you so much, may God bless you. I don't know what she was thanking me for but I responded saying that it was all to God's glory and that she could count on me to help at any time. She also advised me to be very watchful, careful and that I should be prayerful cuz there's always evil lurking around the corner......and that's when I woke up.

.......I woke up and prayed but usually I'll go back to sleep. I couldn't cuz the dream kept replaying in my mind. Mind you this was about 5:50am. Immediately reached for my fone. I picked it up and noticed that someone called from a private number and left a voicemail. I listened to my voicemail and it scared me. The person who called didn't leave a message instead I heard a yell and some background noise (kinda like a chain saw used for cutting down trees) and some nonsense syllables. That was it! I called my sister but she was studying for her exam and so I had to call my mum. I told her about my dream and she said she was gonna call me back cuz she was still on her prayerline and they were praying for everyone's kids.

My mum called back and she basically said that I shouldn't commit to any other organizations. She also said that I should cancel all notions about joining a sorority cuz on paper they'll make it seem real good but you never know what it entails until you finally get in. I must admit that she's right cuz even when I heard a bunch of stories about what they do to you sometimes, I refused to pay attention. In my head I just said it will be like me going to boarding school all over again and being in the hands of people who want to make life hell for you....even if they claim it humbles you. She prayed for me and said that whoever God has put in my hands to help out, may God give me everything I'll need to help them out. She went on to say that when she told the peeps on her prayerline, one of the ladies said that everything that the enemy is trying to use to lure me has been broken and that I've gotten my victory. I'm glad to have a mother who prays fervently.

I told Pretty boi about it and he told me that I shouldn't be scared about the voicemail cuz one of our friends tried calling me but couldn't get to me. He also said that the reason why it must have showed up as private was cuz he was back in Naija. So with that being said I had a very pleasant day. I thank God for the dream and whenever I remember a dream He's tryna tell me something. So my Prayer is that I'm sensitive to what He wants to show me and what He's preparing me for.

Have great weekend!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I had a dream.....

I had mentioned in one of my posts about how I filled out an application to join one of the prominent sororities and how I didn't get accepted. I was starting to get used to the fact that I didn't get in, and the fact that I won't get to do everything that I had already envisioned. I felt all excited when one of the Naija girls in school called me aside and told me that she was thinking of starting a sorority on our campus. I was really happy when she brought it up cuz I've been thinking about that but I just didn't know how to go about it. I asked her what her reasons were about starting one and she explained that all we'll have to do is to start a chapter on our campus and it's gonna be an African sorority that had already been founded a couple of years ago. All that we'll need is to fill out an application and have at least 5 members at least.I just told her to send me the link and I will take a look at it and find out their goals or what they were about. Up until to day I haven't gotten anything from her. I started off with this because I believe it sort of has a link to my dream.

I usually get on this conference line called youth alive, it starts about 10:30 and we don't get done until about midnight. Yesterday was really great because people gave testimonies and I couldn't help but worship God for who He is. I went to bed after taking pain killers cuz my head was banging due to lack of sleep the night before. And I had a dream.....In this dream, I was in a car and all of a sudden I found myself in a parking lot with a girl in my school that I don't talk to in anyway, form or shape. Of course I see her almost everyday at school but I didn't get to know her by name until I realized that she also wanted to be in the same sorority that I applied for. As if that wasn't weird enough, I was talking to her about how God works in mysterious ways and I believe that there was a very good reason why I didn't get picked. I also explained to her that God wanted to do something great in her life that's why she was picked in the first place but was dropped as she was about to pay her fees (due to some back stabbing so-called friend who was jealous and told the sorors (the girls who were making the cut) something about this girl....I'll call her Miss M. So Miss M offered to drop me off back at school cuz she had already taken up my time. As we approached the car, I realized that she wasn't gonna be the one driving. I hopped in the back seat and noticed that Miss E was in the back seat also (Miss E is the Treasurer of an organization I'm part of...I must also add that she's gay). As Miss M sat in the passengers seat, I looked and noticed that it wasn't Miss M anymore, it was Miss B (who is the president of my organization, and Miss E's partner). I didn't feel strange in anyway and the guy who was driving was one of the girl's Dad. The guy had dreads that looked so unkempt and nasty looking....I'll call him DGW (Dreads Gone Wrong). DGW decided to drop me off but first he wanted to stop by at home to get some stuff. As he was driving the scene changed and I noticed that we were in a village-like setting. We kept driving and DGW told us that we were about getting to the shrine were the Native Dr. stayed and that we have to be as quiet as ever. As we drove past the shrine I could see some red cloths and some white stuff hanging from the entrance of the shrine. And that's when Miss B laughed...she laughed so loud that DGW had to drive faster than he was cuz this guy from nowhere started chasing after us. The guy was yelling and screaming at us, claimed that we wouldn't be let back into the town and Miss B laughing signified that she was mocking the Native Dr. DGW immediately told us to duck, meanwhile I was praying silently. I was scared cuz I didn't know what was gonna happen next. At long last we got to DGW's house, we went in and he got what we wanted to get. As we were about leaving so that I could be dropped off, we noticed that the people that were outside started running back into their homes. We asked what was going on and we were told that the native dr. was going around, into people's homes to talk to each family cuz of what happened earlier. We went in and I just laid on the floor as if I was sleeping but I was praying. The native dr finally got to DGW's home and immediately he walked in, he said that there were two foreigners in there and they had to leave because they weren't a part of what he was about to talk about. I still pretended as if I was sleeping and that's when someone tapped me and said I should get out. I was asked to get out through the window. I quickly got up and jumped out. As I was jumping down, I saw some people who were fighting. I don't know what they were fighting about but then a boy (between the ages of 7-9) was shoved into my arms. He was crying and coughing at the same time. I moved to a place where there was less chaos and I noticed that I wasn't holding a boy anymore.....the boy became a girl. As I was standing with the girl, a group of people passed by me. They were crying, waiting on the native dr. to come out so that he could heal the girl they were holding. I was still holding unto the girl that was with me, suddenly a bunch of people came up to me, asked the girl to open up her mouth and they pulled out a long stick. Right away the girl fell from my hands and I walked away.

Friday, April 17, 2009

A whole bunch of here and theres

This week is almost over and I'm so blessed to be alive. I thank God for my family, Pretty boi *smiles*, my friends, enemies and well wishers.

With that being said I'll be in Chi-town this weekend for one type of leadership conference like that. Although I have an exam on Monday but I think I need this trip cuz it's gonna be worth it. I'll think about my exam when I get back.

I've been extra happy lately and I think I know why but hey I can't help it. My body has been doing me gis-gis....I think my hormones are fighting one type of war. They just can't help it!

May God deliver me from yeye friends....those that won't help me move forward. At this point I'm thinking about going solo. Girls have issues, I'm on the verge on almost hating girls. Got to find out that one of the girls lied to me but you know what that's life. I spoke to my mom and Pretty boi about it and they said exactly the same thing. Most of my guyfriends on the other hand like me and I don't want that at all. Not in the mood to deal with all their bs. I'm tired mehn! One of the reasons why I love my guy friends is cuz they are easier to handle when it comes to wahala and I have the most fun with my girlfriends. I don't know what to do oooooo. GOD HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLP ME!

My mum's the best! I love her to death. I wanna cry just talking about her but I can't cuz peeps are watching. I told her about a month ago that I liked Pretty boi and that she should pray about it. I didn't say who exactly he was tho. I mean she knows that Pretty boi and I have been friends since 2004 but I never told her that we've been dating for more than 2yrs now. You know how parents get you bring a guy to introduce him as ur boyfriend. Well sha she called me yesterday asking about where this guy was from and I told her I wasn't sure cuz I didn't want her to immediately know who it was. She gave me this lecture about how I need to know his background and that she's hoping he's not from Ogun State....Ijebu to be precise. I started cracking up when she said "you know they can be stingy." She went on to say may an Ondo boy would be good cuz they can take care of their ladies. In my head I'm like where is she getting all this info from? My mom's lovely what can I say? Then she went to ask about where Pretty boi's parents were from and I should let her know as soon as I find out. I wanted to ask why Pretty boi? Why couldn't it be any of my other guy friends...like Elongated or Shake & that's when it struck me....I think she knows it's Pretty boi I'm talking about.

I gats to bounce...have to be in class in some few seconds. Have a blessed weekend peeps. I love you but God loves you most.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Spring break disasterssssssssssssssss

I know I suck and I'm sorry for that. I've been meaning to post this up....started writing it on the 25th of last month and I've been meaning to finish it up but that's what school does to me. Too much going on in so little time.

I got on spring break last week and I was glad cuz I thot to myself "oooo I'm gonna stay on blogsville throughout the week before school gets hectic all over again." To my dismay it wasn't all that. It was the opposite. I thot I was gonna die.....first off my trip to Florida failed cuz one of the drivers got into an accident. See the Devil is a very big, fat LIAR. He will never succeed lailai. I sha decided to go say hello to my family and I fell terribly sick....hmmmm the devil is very stupid....wo ori esu ti fokasibe. I went to church and about three peeps asked if I was pregnant cuz I looked so out of it....kini? se won fe fun mi l'oyun ni? (what? do they want to impregnate me?) But of course I'm not, only if there's gonna be a 2nd virgin Mary. Didn't get the chance to do anything....I lost weight which is terrible cuz of the fact that I really don't have any meat on my bones.

To top it all off I got my letter from the sorority I wanted to get into.....I DIDN'T GET ACCEPTED! What? How? Why? I just couldn't answer the questions that kept seeping into my tiny head. An insider told me "Lisa they really want you tho but like they said you had to be full time this semester and the one before." These mofos are liars......I got to find out that a girl who is part time this semester was chosen. Still can't understand what their reasons would have been for not picking me. I stopped asking questions after coming to a conclusion that God's hands were definitely in it. I prayed about it so many times because I wanted it so bad but then about 5 of my peeps, including Pretty boi weren't so keen about me joining a sorority......the more reason why I feel it wasn't meant to be. So I'm living life the way I'm supposed to and I'm so blessed to have God by my side. I'm learning each and everyday that "when we know that God's hand is in everything, we can leave everything in God's hand."
Ciao my people of blogsville.....I love you but God loves you best.

Friday, March 6, 2009

**UPDATES**

I'll start by apologizing first cuz I have been so inconsistent with keeping everyone informed on how I have been doing....so I am very sorry. With that Being said, I have an update on where I am residing at presently. God is so good cuz everytime I need a place to stay He provides one without being hesitant. I had two options while looking for a place to stay and of course God helped me in making my decision as to who I wanted to stay with. Everything's been good so far, I get along with my roomie very well.....she's quite older than I am but it's all good. She's wonderful and I hope God helps me with this one. Once again I don't pay rent and I keep wondering how God keeps bringing free rent my way. I'm not complaining cuz it sure is a blessing.

School's been hectic, papers to write, exams to take, friends to hang out with and much more. I met this new Ghananian chic.....so far so good. I'll be home this weekend for the first time since school began....it's all good tho. Apart from school being hectic, it's been fun also cuz I've been quite involed on campus and I don't feel homesick and that's a very big plus. Thinking about joining a sorority and I've been asking for God's guidance cuz I've heard a lot of stuff. Anyhow sha I will be inconsistent in keeping up with writing and commenting on peeps posts and I hope I don't miss too much.

So Pretty boi made a visit down to my school last week friday and I wasn't expecting it but he called me that morning to say he was on his way and of course I couldn't say no. We talked for a long time and I ended up not going to class cuz of that. But I guess we aren't on a break anymore....I dunno but he wants things to be better than they used to....as for me I'm trying to stay on top of this game as much as I can. He said that I was pretty much enjoying the break while he was sick and trying to understand why I had issues with him the night before we went on a break. I won't lie or try to front, I enjoyed it very much cuz I've drawn closer to my Maker. All the same I thank God for everything and I thank God for blogsville.

Thank God it's friday! I love you all.....muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Let GOD's will prevail........NOT MINE!!!

I have been so busy with the things around me that I haven't been able to upload or comment on anyone's page. I've been meaning to put this up for almost two weeks now and anytime I want to I have something else to do. So here it goes.....on the 1st of this month I made a decision to let go off Pretty boi for a while until things with him become stable. I thot that weekend was gonna be a blast but too my despair it was one of the worst weekend I have ever spent with him. The way everything happened was shocking to me because he apologized for being an asshole and I was glad that things would turn out better than they were but I was wrong. I was at his place that weekend and HE WANTED ME TO COME OVER, I didn't just wake up that friday and made up my mind to go to his place. It was his own idea and I was perplexed when he left me in the house on sunday for almost 9hrs if not more. I mean he was out with his buddies the night before and I didn't really mind because we talked about it when he got back home and so I thot everything was cool. It was so annoying because he claimed that he was working on stuff with some students in his organization and then the meeting they were supposed to have was a "BOARD MEETING." Okay cool but my question to him was......Why couldn't I come along? He tried explaining but it didn't make enuff sense to me. At that point I started to think otherwise....just maybe, maybe there was someone he liked or he was talking to and he didn't want me to find out. But was that the real reason....I don't know! So I sat there that sunday afternoon and cried my eyes out, didn't have any appetite and then I decided to write something down and I did but was never able to say it to him because guess what?

Pretty boi I'm gonna ask you this....Do you love me?
So this is it, I asked if you needed a break and you said NO but I'm gonna give it to you anyway.....why?

Before you do stuff put yourself in my shoes and if you cannot do that then you cannot love me.
I really feel you need a break and you said I shouldn't put words in your mouth but really, ACTION speaks louder and clearer than VOICE. I refuse and cannot be a doormat, whereby you clean your feet on me whenever you step in and out. You said you need to live your life also, I'm definitely willing to let you do just that. You keep apologizing and I keep forgiving but this is not the kind of life I want.....I want someone who loves me for who I am and not when they feel like it. You take three steps forward and thirty steps back....that's not healthy at all! I want a friend who is loyal and who I can trust. If I continue like this trust me I'm gonna start disloving you....if there's any word like that.....I can't HATE cuz it's so strong and so is LOVE. Hopefully you see the light and come to the realization that you need to change for yourself and not for me. I will still be here to listen and to help because that's what I'm good at doing anyway. I will always be a friend and I pray that God sees you through all this trials. You go on and on with your everyday life and I think it's time you put God first and allow Him....let Him help you, lead you, guide your every step.....make up your mind! I've asked you a couple of times what you want from me but you cannot give me an answer. So just maybe you'll find an answer when you take a break. As for me, I am so willing to let you go because I believe if you are mine, you'll surely come back to me. It's hard......oh you have no idea but I'll do it anyway. There were times where I used to feel like I was the center of your world.....when it comes to our relationship of course....but now I feel I'm just like every other girl you have in your life. I don't think you know this but you are not hurting me, you're hurting yourself. You want to eat your cake and have it too but babe it doesn't work that way at all. I said it before and I'll say it again being in love/staying in love and falling in love are totally different. You wanna know what I think? You fell in love with me and you only love the idea of being with me. You have to do a lot better to know that I am the one you want. Darling, I cannot force you to love me, I can only pray that God teaches you how to love me. LOVE is the greatest gift of all and if you cannot be in love with me, then I'm not for you. If you are willing to make this work, take a break and use that time to pray like never before. Good things are hard to find. You never know the worth of someone or something until you lose it. I love you regardless of what we've been through lately and I AM IN LOVE with you. God help me be a better person and I will always have you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank God I found you because I have been a better person through it all. So with all being said keep the ball rolling but remember it's in your court so play it wisely.


On Monday morning he asked for a break because he wasn't happy and since he wasn't happy, he wouldn't be able to make me happy. Yeah He's been going through a lot and I just thot I could be there for him but I guess not. He said I pushed him to the edge with the way I was asking him questions and stuff. It felt like I didn't trust him and he was surprised bcuz he didn't know where all that was coming from. Well in my heart I was glad bcuz of they way I was feeling but mehn that monday I cried and cried and cried. I was at school but it was so hard to focus. I wasn't crying cuz I was hurt, it was just the fact that everything I wrote just became a reality. I can't even tell my girl friends cuz I never disclose what goes on in my relationship with any one of them, I'll rather tell my guy friends but even then they like me so that will just be an opportunity for them to start yarning dust. I called my sister throughout that day and she knew how I felt. She said I shouldn't leave him be....I should call from time to time but continually keep him in my prayers. It's hard oooooooooooooo.....kai! So we are on a break now but even then I don't know what to do. What do pple do when they take breaks?


He called me this morning to wish me a happy valentine's day.....I wish I didn't pick up but since I was still awake @ 12 midnight I did. I thank God for everything, He has been my strength and my all. I miss pretty boi, I miss talking to him and having him be a part of almost every decision I make. I know everything's well. I don't call him as much as I want to but oh well he asked for a break.....but even then it's confusing cuz I don't know when to call or when not to so I just decided not to even make an attempt. All I've been doing lately is praying for him and I'm still waiting on my confirmation from God.....to know if he's really the one.
Well I and my girlfriends are going for this dance held by our school. I know we'll have a blast and I can't wait!

Btw I have an update on how things have been, living conditions and all. I'll post it soon.....not sure when but I will.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! KEEP THE LOVE BURNING....I LOVE YA'LL!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I have found peace!

He is my peace
He has broken down every wall
He is my peace
He is my peace
Cast all your cares on Him
For He cares for you
He is my peace
He is my peace

I used to wonder why people used to say when you are rested in Him you have peace. They weren't wrong in saying that at all....I am a living testimony of that and to my surprise I'm not worried about anything. These past few days have been great in the sense that God is constantly revealing Himself to me in many ways than one. First time in a long time where I cannot go a day without praying to Him or asking for His guidance. I feel like a different person and trust me the feeling is great. God has been wonderful. My ways are not His ways and I have been told so many times that He wants to use me tremendously. He caught me when I least expected and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like mounting a hill just to scream at the top of my lungs saying "In HIM I have found peace."

Don't have a clue....I'll just keep praying

Ok so I said I was in love rite but lately....well as of the sixth of this month to be precise.....things haven't been the way they used to. I had my second private viewing for my fashion show on the fourth and Prettyboi wasn't able to make it but then he never called to see how it went. On my own part I was too tired when I got back home that Sunday so I couldn't call.....but I called before the show began cuz he had called earlier on. I called and left a message for him the next day but then I didn't get a call back. I was pissed cuz I couldn't understand why he wouldn't return any of my calls. I prayed about it and I guess the Holyspirit was at work.

I called him this past weekend and asked him what was going on. I mean I know he's going thru a lot of stuff financially and this can take a toll on every other thing around him. He sha said that he just needed time to think and all that good stuff. I asked him if he needed some space and his response was "no but I'll appreciate it if I get some". See me see wahala...I mean doesn't this mean that u need space or maybe I don't understand english. At the end of the whole conversation I sha encouraged him and told him that I'll always be here to listen so he can tell me watever. For some reason after I spoke with him, I was at peace.

The reverse was the case the next day...after church I came home and I was not myself...I cried like no mans bizness. I didn't cry because I was hurt but the fact that I didn't know what was going on crushed my spirit so bad. I called two people and they both encouraged me and to my surprise they said almost the same thing. At that point I remembered that there were certain prayers I prayed last year and they were just coming to pass. Ahh I fear God mehn! He hears and he listens.....He was just waiting for me to be ready for Him. The prayers were kinda dangerous....I mean knowing full well that I love Prettyboi so much. Reality was that I had choosen Prettyboi over my love for God and I didn't realize it until all this happened. I mean I would love to get married to him cuz he's sweet and very responsible but he's not where I want him to be spritually. I guess God is gonna have to work on us individually so I'm being optimistic about the whole situation.

Prettyboi and I didn't get to talk about how things have been between us until tuesday. I'm at a point where I'm just gonna let God do His will. I'm tired of trying to fix things, knowing fully well that I can't. Trust me I still love prettyboi and he's the first guy that I've felt this way about. It's so hard to see him go thru this alone and I feel that my hands are tied. We talked and from his point of view, he couldn't understand why he didn't have the courage to go to my parents to let them know of his intentions. Beginning of the year I asked him what he wanted from me and all he said was that I should be good. That's not what I wanted to hear at all and when he asked me on tuesday if he was all I wanted I said no cuz he's he not where I want him to be Spiritually. He said that if that was the case then we can't deceive ourselves....all the kissing and touching has to stop. To tell u the truth I'm ready for all that to stop cuz I'm willing to let God be my ALL in ALL. I mean we've done a couple of things but I've never been able to bring myself to let him penetrate in anyway. He also said that he must sound stupid but he knows that God is waiting for him but he's not ready. At that point I knew that God was truly working on my behalf. All in all I told him that I wanted to know what we were so that I can move on. Why? Cuz I don't want to be kept at arms length. Personally He's stuck and I told him that I didn't think he was really ready to settle or to commit. His response to that was if he wasn't ready to commit then the whole village wouldn't know about us. He asked for my help and said that he doesn't know what to do anymore cuz he feels that we are just at a standstill. I told him that I'll let him be and I wouldn't push it. I'll only call if I feel led to. I guess we are still together but allowing God to deal with us so that we can be whole in Christ before coming together as one. I gave him a hug and we left on the note that I should do a mini reasearch on if someone can be taught to love.

So I'm throwing the question out to y'all Can one teach another how to love? If yes how and if no why not. I love you all and may God bless you tremendously.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Thank you Lord for the year 2008

It all started in January and I must say that month went by so fast. It wasn't because I was better than anyone but it was due to God's infinite love, faithfulness and mercy that I made it through the year 2008.

February came....the month for lovers and it dawned on me that Jesus was and is still the Lover of my soul.

I thank God for March because it gave me the urge to trample upon my enemies......thanks to Psalm 91.

The month of April crept in on me and this was the end of the first quarter for the year 2008.

I really bless the name of the Lord for the month of May. The month in which God used my parents to bring me into this world and I must say "May babies are the best babies".....hehehehehe Plus my Mummy was born in may too.....oooooooooooooooh I'm so blessed! It made me reflect on my journey so far and made me understand that I was put on this earth for a valuable reason.

The month's of June, July and August (my sister was born on this month) got here so fast that I didn't realize it until the Devil decided to play his stupid pranks on me and my family. Men these month's were trying times, I got discouraged and at a point in time said the only thing I regreted was ever knowing God.....I know I shouldn't have said this but that's how I felt. I cried so many times and asked God if he could even hear my prayers but you know what he proved himself yet again as he had done in the past.

To God be the glory for September.....I was happy to know that I had made it through 9 months and I was still alive, breathing, eating.....even if I don't do that often......basically doing things that most people couldn't do.

October got here, following it was November and I was like whoa! When did this year even begin? And of course I began anticipating how the the year was gonna end.

Finally December got here......I must also add that my Daddy and brother both share this month.

This year was great and at the same time a stepping stone for breakthrough. The Devil tried a lot of people I know but you know what God will never ever give you any load that you cannot handle. God will never tempt you, He'll only give you a test. I so bless the name of the Lord because 2008 was definitely my year of Harvest. My sister on the other hand didn't know how she was gonna pay for school for the next quarter but you know what on the 31st of December she got a check for $1000 dollars.....this was what she actually needed. On the other hand I have an Aunt who needed to pay off a debt of $50,000.....she got a call from her uncle who said she should check her bank account because he was gonna deposit a sum of $50,000 dollars as her birthday gift (this was the week of Christmas if I must add). God is not done working on your behalf, if and when God wants to work he will, he doesn't need anybody.....His glory He will never share with any man. God is good and his mercies endureth forever. I have decided to let go of somethings for 2009. It's gonna be hard but with God all things are possible.

Happy New year to each and everyone of you. My prayer is that God's perfect purpose will come to pass in our lives. Can I get an amen somebody?......AMEN!


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