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Simple yet complicated, the girl you'ld love to hate but can't stop loving. Above all, I AM WHO AND WHAT GOD SAYS I AM.....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I have found peace!

He is my peace
He has broken down every wall
He is my peace
He is my peace
Cast all your cares on Him
For He cares for you
He is my peace
He is my peace

I used to wonder why people used to say when you are rested in Him you have peace. They weren't wrong in saying that at all....I am a living testimony of that and to my surprise I'm not worried about anything. These past few days have been great in the sense that God is constantly revealing Himself to me in many ways than one. First time in a long time where I cannot go a day without praying to Him or asking for His guidance. I feel like a different person and trust me the feeling is great. God has been wonderful. My ways are not His ways and I have been told so many times that He wants to use me tremendously. He caught me when I least expected and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel like mounting a hill just to scream at the top of my lungs saying "In HIM I have found peace."

Don't have a clue....I'll just keep praying

Ok so I said I was in love rite but lately....well as of the sixth of this month to be precise.....things haven't been the way they used to. I had my second private viewing for my fashion show on the fourth and Prettyboi wasn't able to make it but then he never called to see how it went. On my own part I was too tired when I got back home that Sunday so I couldn't call.....but I called before the show began cuz he had called earlier on. I called and left a message for him the next day but then I didn't get a call back. I was pissed cuz I couldn't understand why he wouldn't return any of my calls. I prayed about it and I guess the Holyspirit was at work.

I called him this past weekend and asked him what was going on. I mean I know he's going thru a lot of stuff financially and this can take a toll on every other thing around him. He sha said that he just needed time to think and all that good stuff. I asked him if he needed some space and his response was "no but I'll appreciate it if I get some". See me see wahala...I mean doesn't this mean that u need space or maybe I don't understand english. At the end of the whole conversation I sha encouraged him and told him that I'll always be here to listen so he can tell me watever. For some reason after I spoke with him, I was at peace.

The reverse was the case the next day...after church I came home and I was not myself...I cried like no mans bizness. I didn't cry because I was hurt but the fact that I didn't know what was going on crushed my spirit so bad. I called two people and they both encouraged me and to my surprise they said almost the same thing. At that point I remembered that there were certain prayers I prayed last year and they were just coming to pass. Ahh I fear God mehn! He hears and he listens.....He was just waiting for me to be ready for Him. The prayers were kinda dangerous....I mean knowing full well that I love Prettyboi so much. Reality was that I had choosen Prettyboi over my love for God and I didn't realize it until all this happened. I mean I would love to get married to him cuz he's sweet and very responsible but he's not where I want him to be spritually. I guess God is gonna have to work on us individually so I'm being optimistic about the whole situation.

Prettyboi and I didn't get to talk about how things have been between us until tuesday. I'm at a point where I'm just gonna let God do His will. I'm tired of trying to fix things, knowing fully well that I can't. Trust me I still love prettyboi and he's the first guy that I've felt this way about. It's so hard to see him go thru this alone and I feel that my hands are tied. We talked and from his point of view, he couldn't understand why he didn't have the courage to go to my parents to let them know of his intentions. Beginning of the year I asked him what he wanted from me and all he said was that I should be good. That's not what I wanted to hear at all and when he asked me on tuesday if he was all I wanted I said no cuz he's he not where I want him to be Spiritually. He said that if that was the case then we can't deceive ourselves....all the kissing and touching has to stop. To tell u the truth I'm ready for all that to stop cuz I'm willing to let God be my ALL in ALL. I mean we've done a couple of things but I've never been able to bring myself to let him penetrate in anyway. He also said that he must sound stupid but he knows that God is waiting for him but he's not ready. At that point I knew that God was truly working on my behalf. All in all I told him that I wanted to know what we were so that I can move on. Why? Cuz I don't want to be kept at arms length. Personally He's stuck and I told him that I didn't think he was really ready to settle or to commit. His response to that was if he wasn't ready to commit then the whole village wouldn't know about us. He asked for my help and said that he doesn't know what to do anymore cuz he feels that we are just at a standstill. I told him that I'll let him be and I wouldn't push it. I'll only call if I feel led to. I guess we are still together but allowing God to deal with us so that we can be whole in Christ before coming together as one. I gave him a hug and we left on the note that I should do a mini reasearch on if someone can be taught to love.

So I'm throwing the question out to y'all Can one teach another how to love? If yes how and if no why not. I love you all and may God bless you tremendously.

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